Getting mega stoned with best friends, then going to Applebees and choking on my sirloin steak in front of everyone.

So this happened and I can't believe I'm still here to tell you about it. My 4 best buddies and I decided to get "the most fucked up we can ever get tonight!" and then go eat at Applebees.

We smoked five or six bowls of "the pot" for 30 minutes and made it to what we affectionately call **Level 7 Platypus.** *We had mastered our destiny.* Now to Applebees for that carmelized fried-onion appetizer thing!

We barely were able to walk in, mumbled for a table for 5(after counting how many of us there really were), and were sat at a tall round table in the middle of the restaurant. All of us are under 21 so we get our soda or iced teas.

Our waitress came and explained the specials. She was really nice and probably could smell the smoke on us, but didn't seem to mind. We ordered all sorts of things. Fries, mozzarella sticks, the works. For my meal, I ordered the sirloin steak and onion rings. We're all laughing and having a good night out. Living the middle-class dream, really.

Our meals show up and we dig in. We are barely talking to each now, just scarfing food into our mouths. We notice an older woman limping in with her husband. One of the guys at the table mentions a dog we saw earlier in the day that had a wobble and we all giggle like school children at the resemblance. At this point I've cut into my steak and am cutting large chunks to chew in my mouth.

I go into my mind, deeply thinking about dogs. Everything that a dog does is amazing. They run around and enjoy life. And they barely chew anything. A bigger dog I had would just gulp down food whole. I once gave my dog an entire package of bologna and he ate it in one gulp. That was so incredible to see. Wait. How come I've never tried to be a dog? I mean, if they can do it, why can't I? So I put a giant chunk of steak in my mouth and try to swallow it whole.

I'm beside myself in accomplishment. But the damn thing won't go all the way down my throat. It's stuck. I start coughing lightly. It won't go down. This isn't right. I cough even harder. My buddies are all looking at me with smiling grins. "Oh AdidasFetish, you're always pulling pranks!" They all know my goofing off skills are legendary.

I start coughing with no breaks very quickly. I look at everyone seated around my table very anxiously. Also, my eyes are bloodshot and watery. Bloodshot because of the substance usage and watery because of the constant choking. Now everyone seated in Applebees is looking at me. No one moves, they just look on as spectators. I keep coughing, now more violently. How do these damn dogs do this?

My buddy next to me finally asks me if I'm OK. I shake my head and he, in one move, stretches his hand back and gives me a giant smack on the back. My steak comes out of my throat, and dribbles out of my mouth and onto my plate. I feel everyone in the restaurant breathe one huge sigh of relief. My table of friends are silent at what they just witnessed.

I was so embarrassed. We finished eating and left to the parking lot. It's there I told the guys that I had semi-purposefully choked myself on my sirloin steak. Because I wanted to be a dog.